Christian Courtship - What's The Point?
For goodness sake, why use the word courtship in the first place? It seems like such an old fashioned concept. And it is really. In the 21st Century is there a place for so many rules on relationships and ultimately on love - which many deem as spontaneous and even unintentional?! Let's explore this a little.
What is courtship? Well it depends who you ask. The simplest way to describe courtship is forming a relationship with the intention for it to end in marriage. Sounds straightforward however, this intention isn't to be restricted to the mind of an individual. It is to be shared with the person whom you are in a relationship with. In addition, there are some recommendations on how this relationship should develop. Now these rules depend on the couple but some of the guidelines are;
no sex before the said marriage. Physical intimacy should not arouse sexual passion,
only court one person at a time. Unlike dating, courtship due to the long-term view it has requires you to focus on one person whom you intend to marry.
accountability to others. This is an interesting point as a couple who are courting are encouraged to spend time in groups of responsible friends or other company. This limits temptations to engage in physical intimacy as well as allows the couple to have others access a potential future spouse. Accountability also extends to family - particularly parents and to church leadership who should take the role of guides, advisers and even vet unsuitable partnerships.
Why should courtship concern me? Well, great question. I think for Christians, the allure is the standards which both partners should uphold. The big idea with courtship can be summarized as dating with purpose. This is a Godly way of getting to know a potential spouse. As long as both partners are committed to the process, their characters, faith and intentions will be the focus of the relationship which when paired with "godly counsel" and prayer should allow the individuals to make an informed decision on a permanent future together.
Why not just date? To be honest it's not what you call the process that matters, it's what you do. The main distinction I will make between courtship and dating is that dating is getting to know someone or people without necessarily having commitment or a mutually agreed goal for the relationship, whereas courtship as we have outlined above has marriage as the ultimate destination for the relationship accompanied by guidelines on behaviour and accountability.
What's the point? Well, first is the realization that we all decide whom we love. There is no such thing as "what can I do, I fell in love with ...". Then, even in this day and age, we can form romantic relationships Jesus can endorse. The biggest thing I see when it comes to courting is the role other believers play. We can be very biased in relationships but if we are around Christian friends, family and confidantes we are better placed to be shown traits we would otherwise miss. Courtship is also a great precursor to premarital counselling as it encourages well rounded relationships.
I encourage anyone considering this to also go on YouTube and search for Christian Courtship or Christian Relationships. There is plenty of advice but remember to customize it with your partner.
HAVE YOU TRIED COURTSHIP OR WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IT?