Preparing For Marriage Tradition & Christianity - One Girls Story
I got a gorgeous engagement ring! It's pictured
but what is it like to get married? Was there drama? Was it just like I'd hoped and dreamed? Is getting married as a Zambian woman, in Africa different to the experience in other cultures? Of course it is.
This is about the process preceding the big day. Now, in my culture we have many processes which include but are not limited to; the mans family approaching the womans family for her hand in marriage, the setting of a dowry, a "kitchen party", a number of sessions seating with older, preferably married women to tell you what to expect and how to respect your husband, an uncomfortable talk about altering your genitalia, how to interact with your in-laws, how to go about having sex, etc. Thankfully, not all traditions are strictly followed (or necessary in my humble opinion). Though my family bypassed a number of traditions, I was distressed to learn that despite a liberal, almost western up-bringing, traditional considerations came into focus. In the end however, the best preparation we got before getting married was given by our church. Hands down. Advice for both of us, unlike the traditional side of things which places the onus on the woman to effectively manage the marriage. *side eye*
This Christian counsel was given by several married couples who had been married for years ranging from 7 to over 20. Personality differences, expectations, communication, sex, finances, spiritual growth, responsibilities and vision for the marriage were all discussed in detail. Crucially, my fiance and I had to talk through several topics before each meeting and ask tough questions on points of views which might not otherwise have arisen. Best of all, there were tonnes of scriptures to support each chapter and all principles. Not just the usual suspects (think; wives submit to your husbands and love is patient, love is kind) i.e. Eph 6:22 & 1 Cor 13:4a
We had a workbook as a guide which we each were encouraged to discuss. Even years of dating (courtship) doesn't touch on some of this stuff. I highly recommend this book; Before You Say "I Do" by H. Norman Wright & Wes Roberts to every Christian couple looking to get married.
In addition, a bible believing church which offers practical pre-marital counselling (ideally where you can make reference to actual scriptures and read them in detail and context) would be great.
Future blogs will also look at how to prepare for marriage as a single, Christian woman and the early years in marriage.
"Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise,"
Ephesians 5:15
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord."
Eph. 5:21-22
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"
Eph. 5:25
"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband."
Eph. 5:33