A SURGE IN THE CELIBACY MOVEMENT
The celibacy movement seems to be more openly online these days. Social Media is such that everyone can share stuff about themselves and find someone else who identifies with them or at least is curious enough to watch or read about someone’s journey. This has allowed the voices of Christians who are single and celibate to be amplified and if you follow enough of these stories, you can hear the chorus of people saying “you don’t have to have sex!” “it’s okay to be different!” “you’re not the last virgin in ___”
This is empowering. I personally turned to the internet for a sense of support and encouragement during my celibacy years. So here is a bit of what I’ve learned on the subject:
Have a plan. Funny as it might seem, it makes perfect sense if you think about it. If you really want to achieve something, you need a strategy. Some aspects of this strategy will be “common sense” like if you are in a relationship, avoid a lot of time alone with your partner, while others may go against what you want or how you have done things in the past.
Both parties must be on the same page. Celibacy is a team effort. You cannot be successfully celibate if you and the person you are committed to have different views on when to have sex. Being on board with the same celibacy plan means declaring early in the relationship that you want to abstain from sex and for how long. This is more practical when you can discuss the topic of sex openly as well as your motivation for your views.
Remember the reasons why you are celibate. Obviously my number one reason or recommendation for any single person to be celibate is because if you are a Christian, God requires that sex should be between a man and a woman who are married. It therefore follows that if you aren’t married, you shouldn’t be having sex. Any kind of sex. So, ideally both you and your partner should be committed enough to your faith to what to do the right thing from Gods perspective. There are also other reasons to be celibate such as clarity on who you are courting / dating because sex can skew your opinions on who someone actually is. It could be that you don't want to get too attached to someone before knowing if you could have a future with them or you want to totally avoid the possibility of an infection or unplanned pregnancy.
What is the end goal? At what point will the journey end? Preferably, when you get married right? The point is, celibacy can be challenging to say the least. If you are attracted to the person you are courting / dating, it is natural that limiting physical contact with them will be difficult. This is actually also a reason why steps 1 to 3 are so important. They help you keep things in perspective. Having a goal can also help focus that perspective. “We are abstaining from sex _____” (fill in the blank) e.g. because it is the right thing to do or to glorify God in our relationship or because I agree with Gods perspective on the subject of sex.
If you are in any doubt:
That celibacy before marriage is a Christian requirement, please refer to 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 "Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband."
That there are plenty of people talking about their celibacy journeys, then I dare you to type into YouTube “Christian Celibacy” or “Christian Celibate” or even “Christian Couples Celibate”.
There is a world out there to support your efforts to be celibate if you want it. It’s even better to have an accountability partner (not the person you are courting), who shares your views on this subject and has done it or is currently also celibate and committed to the lifestyle.
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